Day Nineteen - Nicknames you have and why you have them

I have many nicknames that are a variation of my real name. These are:

• Ally
• Allybobally
• Ally Bear
• Alice
• Alice from Buckingham Palace
• Alliscent
• Albert
• Al

I also have Crabski, and other dryeyedcrab related names that I can't think of at the moment.

The only name I really feel weird about being called is Allison. It seems so formal and completely different to the kind of person I am. So of course some people insist on calling me that anyway :D

Day Eighteen

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have


Yeah I know. It's been almost forever since I've blogged. Now that I'm Twitter free I'm finding I have more time on my hands. I'm using this in so many productive ways. I'm waiting lots of TV shows, thinking about boys, and randomly napping on weekends. YAY I'm awesome!


Anyroad, I should get stuck in to it. Here goes.


I have somewhat of a revolving door when it comes to plans, dreams and goals. I like to pretend that it's due to me being an ever evolving human being, but it probably has more to do with my inability to commit. So let's lock a few in and see how I go.


1) I'm on the cusp of a greater degree of financial freedom, which is super exciting to me. I'm hoping that this will enable me to achieve some of the things I should have achieved decades ago. Like travelling overseas. The only time I've left these shores is when my family went on the Fairstar (the funship) when I was in Grade 5. I feel lame and pathetic admitting that *hides head in shame* My lovely friends Natalie and Adam are getting married in Thailand in October. So one of my goals is to take Aedin to Thailand so that we can go to their wedding. I may or may not extend on this goal to make it include breast enhancement surgery and a sexual interlude with a Thai lady boi. For the purpose of my reputation we'll say that I won't ;)


2) Stay in my job for more than 2 years. My flighty natures means that I don't like to stay in one place for too long. So I'd like to spend the next two years doing pretty much what I'm doing now. Only better.


3) Continue to manage my depression, and hopefully be off the medication that slows my metabolism (I think it's slowed down so much it's actually working in reverse). I have flights of fancy where I think I'll just stop taking the medication now, because I'm feeling OK. But then something comes along and kicks me in the pants, reminding me that I'm not managing it well enough to be able to medication free. That means committing to a psych/counsellor, committing to a fitness regime, eating better, etc.


4) Blog more. It's something I actually really enjoy. I have always loved writing. While blogging is really just a public diary for me, it definitely gets me thinking again. It helps me prise open that creative part of my brain that I haven't bothered opening for such a long time that it's almost fused together. I want to get back into writing short stories and poetry. Not for publication, just for shits and giggles.


5) Start dancing again. I want to join a dance group. Some kind of funk/hip hop class, and a tap class. I could be some kind of tap dancing gangstar. Not sure how much street cred comes with being a tapping G, but we'll see.

Day Seventeen

Today I'm supposed to pick someone I'd trade places with and why. I was trying to think of someone who lived a life I'd like to lead, and I couldn't think of anyone. I mean, who doesn't have their own shit that makes them sad, or their own awesome stuff that makes them happy. So I think I'll flip it and live the life of someone less fortunate than me so that I could better understand their situation.

I would switch places with Sophie Delezio. Sophie is 9 years old and has been through more than most people have in their entire life. At the age of two, Sophie was trapped under a burning car which had crashed through the gate of the child care centre she attended after the driver of the vehicle suffered a seizure. She suffered burns to 85% of her body and lost both of her feet, some fingers and her right ear.

In 2006, when Sophie was aged five, she was again badly injured when her Nanny was pushing her wheelchair across a pedestrian crossing and she was hit by a car and thrown 18m. She suffered a heart attack, broken jaw and shoulder bone, bruising, rib fractures and a tear in her lung.

This little girl has faced some major physical, and probably psychological hurdles in her life. She had become an ambassador for 2008 World Youth Day. Her parents established a charity called The Day of Difference Foundation to help burns victims, families and hospitals raise finances, awareness, and research.

Day Sixteen

Another fucking picture! *screams*

Right. This photo is of Aedin and I. We were at a fair of some sort. I like it because we look like we were having a ball. However I think that he was whinging only 2 mins before I took this photo. I probably had to tickle him to make him laugh.

Day Fifteen

Bloody kid messed with my iPhone and took it off shuffle. Thanks to Mr Seb for pointing it out. So here we go again!

1. Fire Water Burn - The Bloodhound Gang

2. Hey Mama - The Black Eyed Peas

3. Fall At Your Feet - Clare Bowditch

4. Teardrop - Jose Gonzalez

5. Resurrection - The Temper Trap

6. Psychoactive Summer - Def FX

7. Nicest Thing - Kate Nash (made me cry while I was doing this)

8. Dissident - Pearl Jam

9. Down Boy - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

10. Baby I Don't Care - Transvision Vamp

11. Sexy Boy - Air

12. Feeder - Pete Murray

13. Call Me - Blondie

14. Make You Happy - Josh Pyke (also made me cry)

15. Focus - Dominique Fraissard

16. Criminal - Fiona Apple

17. You've Taken Everything - Bodyjar

18. Warm Whispers - Missy Higgins

19. So What - Pink (don't judge me)

20. Arse Huggin' Pants - Spiderbait

Day Fourteen

Another bloody photo? Oh ffs. This one is meant to be about my family. Can I find a photo of my family without me in it? Lets hope so brb.

OK so I've got an EXT HDD problem. The fucker wont boot. I'll stress about that later. So that means I can only use what I have stored on my laptop.

This is a photo of the important women in my life, excluding my sister. Actually if we want to pretend that Aedin is my sister.... no that'll just get weird. I don't have my writing head on tonight. I'm too distracted. I'll start again.

Starting from the left (with Aedin on her lap) is Milly. She's my mums partner. They have been together for 10 years. Milly is strong, determined, funny, helpful and just all round good fun. She's become such an important part of my family. She's also Aedin's best friend. Next to Milly is my Nanny. She's awesome. She is such a talented woman. She's artistic, creative,  has a wonderful sense of style, and is a fantastic cook. She never fails to tell me how much she loves me. Then in the red shirt is my Mummy. I love my Mum so damn much. She has gone through so much in her life and rarely complains about what she's been through. She is so much fun to be around. I've learnt so much about not only who she is as a person, but who I am as a person as a consequence. She has never turned her back on me, and always makes me feel like I'm beautiful and valued. If I had to pick the one person I could count on in life it would be my Mum. In so many ways I am so much like her, and those are the parts of me that I love the most. She's just awesome. On the right of my Mum is my Aunty Jennifer. My Aunty Jen has lived in New Zealand most of my life. She is so beautiful in so many ways. She's smart, wise, has a wonderful laugh, and is another person who makes me feel special and valued. She's got this whole whimsical, bohemian thing going on and I think she's absolutely gorgeous.

Considering she isn't in the photo, I will give a separate paragraph to my sister. My sister and I had a very volitile relationship as kids. She was insecure, embarrassed, shy, awkward, and angry. I was the complete opposite. We fought like cat and dog, yet when it came to the crunch we stuck by each other. As we grew up we continued to lead completely different lives. I wont go too much into my sisters life as I don't have her permission. However lets just say that the path she has chosen isn't filling her life with sunshine and lollypops. And sometimes that makes being around her difficult. I wish there was a way I could help her out of her funk. My sister is honest, loyal, sincere, loving and kind. We went through so much together as children, having grown up in a very unhappy and violent household. I love her so very, very much.

Day Thirteen

This is one I've been dreading. Writing a letter to someone who has hurt you recently. Awww man :(


Dear xxx


So it's been two weeks since the last time we spoke. Well, when I say spoke I actually mean since you were rude, mean, cruel and horrible to me. I haven't heard a peep from you since. Even the email and text message I sent you to say that I was moving back east has gone unanswered.


When we got back in contact early last year we found that we had so much in common. Conversation flowed quickly. We spent every spare moment that we had learning more about each other. You made me feel intelligent, funny, interesting, sincere and worthwhile. These are things I hadn't felt for a very long time. You were attentive, interested, compassionate and understanding. When our relationship started progressing to a place where you wanted to be with me, you asked me to move to Perth so we could be together. You told me that I no longer needed to just rely on myself, that I had you to be there with me now, that I never needed to feel alone any more. I agreed, but said that I needed to take my time. One of the things you wanted to make a point of was that we should be completely honest about who we are, and to not get caught up in the honeymoon period of the beginning of a relationship. I have always been very upfront about myself. You said you were too. 


Fast forward to me arriving here. We both know that things had begun to change in the days leading up to me leaving. There were things going on in your life that meant we couldn't be together just yet. We still hung out and our attraction was undeniable. But instead of using that to our advantage, you used it as a reason to pull further and further away. In the past five months of being in Perth I could probably count the amount of time we've spent together on one hand. I feel so stupid, disappointed and heartbroken. That wasn't enough to make me leave Perth. I was happy to have stayed regardless, thanks to the amazing friends I've made. Unfortunately I have had to make this decision for reasons outside of you. All I want is to be able to talk to you about what's been going on. It hurts to think that I'll leave from here without being able to see you one last time. I want to be able to say goodbye to you, to hug you and leave from here knowing that I still have you as my friend. That doesn't seem very likely any more.


So I'll take this opportunity to say goodbye. I don't plan on trying to contact you again. I've done all I can do to help you, to support you, and to love you. I will miss you. Hopefully time will bring you back in to my world, and I hope that when that happens I'm not still feeling as hurt as I feel now. I hope things work out for you.


Love


Ally